[CWIS'S NOTE] Tonight I've got a great guest entry from a FL diaper lover and long-time blog reader, Chris.
Chris and I have been e-friends since my first few weeks in Orlando - before he 'grew up', and then again after he decided not to.
Read on...
GUEST ENTRY: ON SELF-ACCEPTANCE
I guess any good introduction includes a background of myself. My name is Chris. I'm 25, and live in Florida. I graduated college in 2008. My interest in diapers began about 10 years ago, when my younger brother was still in Pull-Ups. I found myself yearning to try one, but questioning why I would want to wear a baby diaper. I was 15. I'm far too cool for this.
Needless to say, I gave in and was hooked. I snuck Pull Ups constantly from my brother. Never too many though. I wouldn't want my mom to question how the packs were emptying too quickly. Shortly thereafter, my brother grew out of the diapers, and apparently so had I. I didn't put much thought in to it, thinking that was the end of that strange stage. But I kept thinking about them. My inquisitiveness was constant. But this began the hard road I would encounter the following years that I'm sure nearly everyone reading this has had to deal with. How can I give up this 'strange' interest?
I battled with the desires to wear and the desire to move on from it. Late in my high school years I would buy packages of Goodnites, wear a few, then throw the rest away when I felt it had to be done in order to move on. A real waste, I know. I started to get angry with myself, questioning the feelings I got when wearing a diaper. I was successful, for a while, when I first entered college. Wearing wasn't possible very often, and my schedule was too busy to deal with the silly diapers. Had I been successful at overcoming by diaper desires?
I was in my dorm one night, exhausted from a long day. The words in my notes meshed together and I wasn't retaining a thing. I don't know why, but I started thinking about diapers again. I didn't have any with me, and a quick run to the store was the last thing I wanted to do. But me, curious as always, wondered if there was anyone else out there that had my same 'problem'. Were there any other guys my age that had a weird attraction to diapers? I did a Google search. I don't remember what I searched for, but I remember it led me to aby.com. Imagine my surprise when I found hundreds of people with similar interests! I went from slouching on my desk ready to fall asleep in my own drool to feeling I had just drank 5 Red Bull's. I was clicking everywhere, excited as ever to find that I wasn't alone!
Finding the website was reassuring. This is pretty normal. Still, I had trouble accepting my interest. It was weird. How would other people react if they knew I liked and wore diapers? How would my future spouse take the news? Why was I so worried about all of this? I wanted to quit the whole thing so badly, but I liked it too much.
I met my first boyfriend in college. I was open to trying it out. Both of us were 'curious' and questioning ourselves. During the first year of us dating, my diaper wearing was minimal. I kept it secret from him, afraid of the response I'd get from him. But I could see this relationship possibly going somewhere. Shortly after our one year anniversary, I decided it was time to tell him about the only secret I had kept from him. The response I got was what I had dreaded. To say he was a little freaked out is an understatement. I tried explaining that there are thousands of people who have the same interest. I told him I was comforted by them, safe. It didn't help when I showed him a picture of a guy wearing a diaper with a baby print on them.
I declared that it would be the end of my diaper wearing for good. It's time to 'grow up'. I was 20 at this point. I'm normal! Normal people don't wear diapers when they don't actually need them. This is silly. I stuck true to my word for a long time. I deleted my account on Aby. I deleted my email account associated with the site. And, surprisingly, I didn't think about wearing for a long time. My boyfriend is more important than stupid diapers, and if he doesn't like it, then I will stop. A year later we broke up, and I was devastated.
It really came to no surprise to me that I came back to the one thing that always comforted me in the past: diapers. A week later I was at the store and bought real diapers, ones with tapes and everything! This calmed me down. The feeling between my legs, the plastic wrapped around, oddly made me feel safe.
The moral of my story is not to get down on yourself about something you are really in to. None of us can really explain why we like diapers. Some, like me, love the comfort and safety we feel while wearing. Some love the feeling waking up soaked and loving it. Accept it, it's who we are. The constant battles I encountered with myself and all the vows to give them up were pointless. If it's something that I like and it isn't hurting me or anyone else, why stop? Wear proudly, diaper friends.
Want to talk to Chris? Hit him up at directly at www.rupadded.com/justinsmith1195.
Have your own story to share? Hit me up! Email abysitter@gmail.com.
