Up today I've got a Q&A and some adorable photos from someone new: ATwinkyToddler! You probably know him from all those Tumblr reblogs. Today he opens up and shares his story - check it out below.
Want to share your story with my readers? Email abysitter@gmail.com and put "Q&A" in the subject - I'll email you the questions! 18+
Q&A with ATwinkyToddler
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Name/Nick: ATwinkyToddler
Age: 21
City/State/Country: Pacific Northwest, USA
ABDL
When did you first realize you were ABDL?
From a very young age, I've had an affinity for diapers. My earliest memories are from when I was 4-5 when I still had night time accidents. I clearly remember my father telling me that I was out of pull-ups, so I had to wear one of my baby brother's diapers. He even tried fastening the tapes as to make the diaper look like a pull-up, but I was smarter than that. Of course, me wanting to be a big boy, I refused to wear one, and went to bed. To my surprise, I woke up with a wet diaper on, and proudly pranced around my brother's room saying “ Look at me, I'm a baby like you guys!”
At age 12 or so, I started reading diaper stories off of deeker, which really solidified my love for diapers. I found a label to put on my interest, ABDL, and with the power of the internet, knew there were more like me.
What steps did you take to get your diaper 'fix' as a child and/or teen?
Being the devious boy I was, I of course stole cousins / brothers diapers whenever I could. When I would go to daycare for grade school I'd steal diapers, and even put multiple on so I could have some for later at home. I thankfully never got caught there. After all I was just an innocent 8 year old. At 12-14, I'd bike to Walgreens to go buy the newly released Pampers size 7. Looking back, the cashier probably thought it was a bit weird that someone my age would be buying diapers so early in the morning. I had my fake shopping list and loads of excuses ready to go. I would buy 3 packs, as much as my backpack could hold, and store them in my attic. Fun times, and I can still squeeze Pampers on to this day.
Do your parents and/or siblings know about you and diapers? If so, please explain how, and how they reacted?
Well, my family knew something was up. I'd chase my brothers around, pin them down and put a diaper on them, always got caught stealing because I'd get greedy and take too many. My behavior was mostly dismissed as weird, but once I hit puberty, I really started to raise eyebrows. It wasn't ever really talked about, only when I got caught, thankfully. I'd get embarrassed even watching commercials with diapers in them near family. Well, it's roughly a decade later since any of my family has an incident with me, so I'm inclined to believe those memories are tucked away in the corners of their mind.
Have you dealt with the shame and regret that is the binge/purge cycle? Please explain.
Eh, at times yes, but I've only been out on my own for a little while, so as of now I have no binge or purge thoughts because I've met a wonderful guy that shares the same interests.
Sometimes I'd just throw away my stash and stop thinking about diapers for weeks or months. I've gone a whole year without thinking of diapers at all. Now I can thankfully say I've been the happiest I've been in years.
Call the fetish weird all you want, but I'm not harming anyone or myself, it's just a little fun thing I do. Some people like drugs, and ruin their lives, I just like to wear diapers in the privacy of my own home, or underneath my clothes. I'm a pretty regular guy otherwise. I work, pay my bills, enjoy my time with family and friends like most other people.
How has this fetish affected your social life and/or dating? Married life? Parenting?
It hasn't really affected my social life. I don't live an intense, far-off-baseline lifestyle that causes me to be detached from normality, which is a very important thing. You can't have your entire life revolve around a sexual/non sexual fetish, it's just unhealthy. I've seen some who want to live in a fantasy world where they have a mommy or daddy take care of them, and they live a carefree life. One, in my opinion I find that extremely unhealthy, and two, at the end of the day, I absolutely love being an independent adult. I get immense satisfaction from shaping my life the way I want it.
Because of this, I have had the opportunity to get myself a crib custom made, make my room a cute little nursery, and other nice things. Only my room is babyish, but my apartment looks like a nicely kept 20-something year old den. I keep my place clean, work hard, play later.
As for dating, I had no issues picking up guys, meeting for dates, having a decent conversation, but I've always been missing something. It's like a secret you wanna share but can't. I've come to realize that being an ABDL is a big part of me, and while I have met some great people, I just couldn't do the relationship. I was too afraid of telling them what I liked. That's where FetLife helped me. I met an amazing guy who shares the same interests that I do.
A very important thing to note is, you can't just date someone because they share a fetish with you. You have to obviously get along, you know, the whole regular stuff that also goes into a relationship. I'm sure there are people out there who said “Screw it” and dated someone anyways even if they had little in common, or were generally incompatible otherwise. It can be tempting, but thanks to the internet, it makes it a lot easier to meet people.
Some experts believe that we become the way we are because of traumas experienced at an early age, including abuse and/or neglect. Do your life experiences bear this out?
Maybe a little bit, as I've known that being an ABDL was a part of me from an early age. I can say, though, that the poor life experiences that I have had has made me a better person. I was between homes quite a bit, suffered through a lot of physical and mental abuse, had alcoholic family members who weren't the most friendly drunks, changed schools a lot, and at times thought I wouldn't ever make it to adulthood. You know, what I've learned is that I guess at the least, I know how I'll never treat another human being.
Maybe I want to relive the childhood I never had, and never got the nurturing that was typical of children. I'm not stuck in the past, I've never let myself become a victim of my own circumstances, I was too strong to do that.
Here I am today, I could never be happier, and I love my life.
For the little dunces, please tell us about what it was like to discover this fetish/lifestyle on the Internet. Please be at least 18 at the time of writing, but be specific about what age you discovered it, what sites helped you, and keep this part PG for obvious reasons.
Oh boy, I remember my first Google searches for “Diaper stories”. That's how I came across deeker. I knew at least that there must be more like me, so I never thought I was too too weird. None of it at a young age was ever sexual for me. It was more of the nurturing and AB side of things I liked. I would imagine myself to the the main character of whatever story I read, and it really helped solidify my love for ABDL stuff.
Do your interests involve a subset of this community, such as babyfurs, diaper disciplinarians, wet/messy, sissybabies etc.? Please tell us about it. I won't even try to be specific here; just tell us what you think people should know.
I think furries are cute, and if I was one, I'd be a weasel, but I am not a furry. Would I put on a fursuit and role play with someone? Probably, if given the opportunity, but I have no interest in getting a suit, nor do I really follow the fandom, but furry stuff is cute.
What % of your sexual activities and/or masturbation incorporate diapers? Has this caused problems for you?
95%. I really hated myself for awhile because I can rarely get off without thinking about diapers. Hell, if I'm having sex with someone I have to think about diapers just to get off. You can imagine the problems that caused with dating someone who is vanilla. I've accepted it as just the way things are.
I'm not very big on sex to be honest. ABDL is mostly non-sexual for me, but if I get sexual, diapers have to be involved, if that makes any sense.
If you get into the regression aspect of ABDL please tell us more about that. If you do not, and you have feelings about being lumped into a fetish involving it, explain how it makes you feel.
I have yet to really delve into this sort of thing. I do want to try, but the hardest part is letting go. I mean, I'm not crazily interested in regression, but I'll try most things once. I don't think regression should be lumped into ABDL. While the two can very much so go hand in hand, sometimes they don't. I can see why people think ABDL can mean regression, but I know some people who are into just being a little, and don't like diapers at all.
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