Update: Troy

[CWIS'S NOTE]: The following is an update from Troy, who wrote an entry last week about how being made to wear and use diapers as a child led to what may be a lifelong messy diaper fetish. Or something like that. Anyway, we got a lot of responses, and I've forwarded most on to him to respond to directly. Below is his response. 




Q. Are you on any diaper sites?


A: I will get this one out of the way right from the start. I am on a diaper website, but my profile is photo-free and there is no bio. I have zero friends there. The site is RUPadded. Last year I joined it, and DiaperSpace, and checked out some other sites, too. What I found was sad to me, including some pervy messages right off the start. I've tried being babysat, liked it, and will do it again. That said, I hate being talked to like a baby. And that's what I got on each and every site. I also got offers to trade pics, requests to cam, and more. For now I'm just more comfortable exploring. So we'll keep it there.


Q: Your story reminded me of a Deeker fantasy story. 


A. Believe it or not, I had no idea what that even meant. I first saw it when I read Chris's intro to my essay, and then when I heard it in two of the comments or email he sent me.

Let me say, first... I don't fantasize about any of this.

The sensation of a messy diaper is hot to me, and if I ever do reminisce about this time of my life, it is the moment under the tree, probably because it was the only time I really messed my diaper.

If this is your idea of a fantasy... I don't know what to say to you.

This shit really happens, and I've talked to Chris enough to know that it's not really that uncommon.

It's happening to some kid right now.

And the parents are probably as clueless to mine with what they are doing to their son.

I wrote this because I know that there is a lot of disapproval and disgust toward guys who like to mess in their diapers. I've read forum posts from people who act like their shit don't stink too (pardon the pun) and I wanted to let people who read this blog know that there's sometimes a reason behind it.

So if you're fantasizing about being me at age twelve, fine with me.

But if you're fantasizing about being my Dad when I was twelve... get some help, sicko.

<3


Q. Your parents locked you in a CLOSET? That's child abuse!


A: My story really didn't tell the true description of the closet. The closet I was forced to sleep in for almost a year was really just about the size of a bedroom. It was a den that my parents had transformed into a walk-in closet, ala California Closets. Also, I wasn't locked in. There was no door, just a cloth curtain. But as a young teen I would have preferred a door, even if it was locked. It wasn't the small space, because it was big enough. It was the fact that I was forced to move out of my room, turn it over to my brother, and sleep right in my parents doorway, where they would walk by every five minutes. The lack of privacy was the worst.


Q. Did your father have a diaper fetish or something? 


A: My parents diapering me was in no way sexual. For them, or for me. My parents thought that putting me in their closet and not allowing me to be around my brother or sister was some kind of "scared straight" tough love approach to teaching me that sexual activity with other boys was wrong. I don't know exactly what purpose the diapers served, except to humiliate me. I think that it was a part of the punishment. But trust me, if my parents had any idea that making their son wear diapers could turn into a fetish of any kind, there would have been no diapers in the house. My parents are very reserved when it comes to sex. They would never intentionally do anything that would result in me wanting to have sex.


Q. Did you find being diapered by your parents arousing? 


A: I was twelve. And, while I understand some people who read this blog were sexually active at that age, I wasn't. I didn't start masturbating until I was fifteen, and I lost my virginity the night of senior prom. I never once found wearing diapers stimulating, just embarrassing and uncomfortable.


Q. So how did you come to like diapers/messing in diapers?


A. It wasn't until freshman year of college that I even put on a diaper. I was actually extremely stressed out, depressed, and feeling really, really low. I was sitting in my dorm room putting off studying when I started searching for stuff on Google. The first thing I searched for was the park we used to go to for our family reunion. Then I searched for some diaper terms, including "diapers as humiliation." I found three or four blogs, and every one of them actually referred to this blog at some point. I linked to this one and read through entries... many many entries. I sent Chris and email and actually went out to buy some diapers at Publix. I came back and messed in them, and realized that it made me feel at ease. I heard back from Chris a little later, and we have since talked and met enough so that I pretty much realize the whole deal with me.


Q. How did you ever forgive your parents?


A. As I mentioned in the original blog essay, I forgave my parents when they bought me a car. I think they were pretty good parents in some other ways, and again, if they had any clue what diapering me would accomplish, they would not have done it.

I'm not kidding about the car. Any resentment was gone when they bought it for me. I don't consider myself materialistic, but I know that my father really had to swallow his lack of trust to purchase his son a ride, and I realized at that point that any distrust he had in me was probably gone. So it wasn't a bribe, as one of you said, but more a symbol.


Q. Do you still talk to your cousin? 


A. My cousin and I are really, really good friends.

My cousin was outed to his friends and family on Facebook last year. He was a senior in high school, and someone he'd done stuff with blew up his spot on his Facebook wall, and by tagging him in some posts, when he was on a long flight and couldn't do anything about it. I'm actually the one who guessed his password and removed the stuff and deleted the kid posting it. But not before his parents, and my parents, and other people saw it. His voicemail was full when his flight landed.

His parents were really, really upset. But they actually made more of a big deal about him having sex than they did about him having sex with a guy. He told me he thinks they already suspected.

My parents were way more cool about it than I ever would have thought. I thought they'd never speak to him again. Instead they talked to him like nothing had ever happened. He knew they accepted him when my mother asked him if he wanted to bring someone home for dinner one long weekend. She said something like there must be a special girl in your life. Or a special guy. Bring them to visit!

My father did make some rude remarks at first, but he later told me that if my cousin's parents had ever written off their kid he'd adopt him in a heartbeat. Which was, I think, my father's way of telling me that he's okay with gayness.


Q. Have you and your Dad spoken about what he did to you? 


A. Yes, and no.

I never brought it up.

But when I was sixteen, and my father was teaching me how to drive, he told me something about keeping your hands on the steering wheel that I thought wasn't right. So I told him. And he told me to trust that he knew. And then, after a few minutes of silence, he told me something like... well, I guess I should stop thinking I always know all about the law. Sometimes I don't know shit. And I was like... hmm. And then he told me... if I could go back and change anything about my life it would be thinking I was a legal scholar at times that I should have probably consulted one. I'm not sure, but I think that was his way of saying he was wrong.

And when I went away to college, my father sat down to have a conversation with me. One of the many things that he brought up was sex. He talked about STDs for about thirty seconds, and about age of consent. And then he told me... I know I don't have to talk to you about any of this though, you are a trustworthy kid. I wish I had always realized that.

So we sort of talked about it.


Q: Have you talked to your cousin about it? 


A. It came up when he talked about what happened on Facebook. We'd never talked about it, not even once. But he called me, crying, asking if I was the one who'd logged into his Facebook account (Facebook texted him saying someone from Orlando, FL had logged in, and he got the text when he landed). After he tried to explain what had happened he basically came out to me. And then he told me... I would not blame you for letting me twist in the wind, like I did to you when we were kids. And he apologized.

I love my cousin a lot.


Q: Do people know about your fetish? 


A. No. Besides Chris, who I've met several times, nobody I personally know has any clue. My family doesn't know. My friends don't know. My ex-GF has no idea. I plan to keep it that way. I don't think other students at UCF would look very kindly on a 20yo college student who likes to shit on himself. It's not something that easily comes up in the conversation. So besides Chris, and you, nobody has a clue.

That's how I like it.


Q: Want to hang out/hook up? 


A. Thank you, but no thank you. I am straight, first and foremost, and while I've had my diaper changed and stuff by a guy, I'm not looking for a hookup. I have no doubt that I'll meet other guys eventually, probably just to wear with each other, but after some of the stuff I've heard, I'm going to be fucking careful in who I meet.

That said, send emails to Chris and he'll forward them to me. I'm still using my college email but I will be making a diaper account soon enough.

Thanks for reading. Sorry Chris couldn't be bothered to edit my long as shit post. If you read it all, you are pretty rad.