[CWIS'S NOTE] Up today I have a Q&A with someone you'll probably recognize from Tumblr: Denoteboom13. He's submitted a very, very detailed Q&A - he even created some of his own questions - and it goes deep. Read it and get to know him!
Q&A With Denoteboom13
Name/Nick: denoteboom13
Age: 25
City/State/Country: Indianapolis, IN, USA
AB/DL/BabyFur/Other? DL
When did you first realize you were ABDL?
I remember very vaguely being told that I was at the age where I wouldn't be in diapers and I knew that I didn't want that. Once I was potty trained I still wet the bed and my parents always threatened to put me back in diapers if I didn't stop. I wished that it wouldn't stop but it did. My first experience being back in a diaper again was one Christmas when my sister got a doll and it came with a pack of diapers. I hid behind the couch and stuck one in my underwear. My whole family was in the living room with me. I have no idea how I thought that I was being sneaky. Everyone knew but quickly forgot about it. I forgot about it all until I babysat for the first time.
What steps did you take to get your diaper 'fix' as a child and/or teen?
I started baysitting at a young age and all of the kids wore Goodnites to bed. I quickly put together a babysitting bag with a first aid kit, some microwave popcorn, and a selection of DVDs to give me something to hide Goodnites in and took one or two at a time. For my birthday that year I traded my mountain bike for a road bike and started getting Goodnites and Depends Fitted Maximum Protection for myself. I already had a car, so once I got my license I found a place nearby that sold Tranquility ATN and thought they were the greatest! It wasn't until college that I ever ordered any diapers online and it wasn't until my senior year that I got to try actual ABDL diapers.
Do your parents and/or siblings know about you and diapers? If so, please explain how, and how they reacted?
Both of my parents know. It is kind of a weird story. My old Dell burned down so I was using my parents' desktop while I saved money to build my own. I was on aby.com when I got called in for emergency work at the high school. I was in the tech department for drama and emergency calls for electrical or set piece issues were not uncommon. It would be another three hours until my parents came home, so I drove to school and back. Somehow, in the 25 minutes that I was gone, BOTH of my parents came home and discovered my ABY profile open on their computer. I'm not sure which they took harder, me identifying as DL or me identifying as gay. They sent me to a psychologist for the whole summer before my senior year of high school before the psychologist finally convinced them to stop wasting their money because I was incredibly stable and healthy. Unfortunately he was not able to convince them that they were the problem, not me. They'd threaten to tell my sister to get me to do what they wanted and make a huge scene if I accidentally left any ABDL items in a place where they could see them. It got bad enough that I arranged to stay with a friend through the summer after freshman year of college because I wasn't welcome at home. They eventually realized they were losing their son and snapped out of it, but those were easily the darkest years of my life.
Have you dealt with the shame and regret that is the binge/purge cycle?
Not really. I have a binge cycle for participating in the ABDL online community, where I'll be incredibly active for a few months and then lose interest and pretty much disappear for a year, but I'm always still in diapers on my own. I've never felt the purge in any aspect, though. I've always had diapers around and I've only ever deleted or completely abandoned one of my ABDL accounts, and that wasn't voluntary.
For collegebabies/DLs, did this interest affect your college experiences? If so, how?
I never kept diapers around freshman year. I didn't feel comfortable trying to hide them from my roommate and floor. I brought some ATNs to campus at the very end of sophomore year but never had the time to wear them. The summer before junior year I moved off campus and worked at the college, so I had the house to myself and went crazy. I had a case of M3 and SDK 1.0 and wore at least one diaper (often doubling) to work every day that summer. I was diapered often during the year as well and once had a roommate barge in on me during a party while I was changing. Fortunately for me he was too drunk to remember. Senior year was spent in Bellissimos, diapered every day and doubled on Wednesdays. I went through a handle of bourbon every week to deal with how terrible that year was and the diapers helped a lot! I found one local in town who was ABDL but never found a larger community or did anything with anyone else while at college.
How has this fetish affected your social life and/or dating?
I'm not sure that it has. I'm diapered during most social outings but that hasn't affected anything. Only once did people find out that I was diapered and it was after I told them, and even then most people didn't believe me! They were arguing about whether or not I was wearing a diaper! Back when I was dating I never brought diapers into it or wore on dates. Get to know someone first, then introduce the fetish and see if they stay.
How did you come out to your significant other? How did they handle it?
I waited two months before bringing it up. I was home for Christmas break and ended up hanging out with an amicable ex who I found out that day was ABDL. I diapered him up (he was out of diapers) and we watched movies together. It was my first time with another ABDL and I had so much fun that I resolved to tell my boyfriend when I got back to college. I texted him that I had something to talk to him about in order to keep myself from being able to change my mind. His friend then spent the remainder of break consoling him since I was definitely going to tell him that I wanted to break up. His frantic panic sort of worked out in the end because his reaction to my confession was relief. In retrospect it was a pretty terrible way for me to handle the situation but six years later we got married, so I guess it wasn't too bad. He is not ABDL and has made it clear that he has no desire to participate but on rare occasions he'll let me diaper him up for a night.
Some experts believe that we become the way we are because of traumas experienced at an early age, including abuse and/or neglect. Do your life experiences bear this out?
Nope. I had a pretty great life until I turned 16 and I was ABDL long before that. You can add me to the list of ABDLs with a traumatic past but it had no influence on the development of my interest in ABDL. I was raped by a DL in high school. I don't know if he knew that I was a DL or if that played into why it happened. He worked at a local pizza place and I guess found me through my various pickup and delivery orders. I was 16 and he was 26. I got by by trying to pretend that it never happened. Even in my talks with the psychologist I couldn't talk about it. That went on for three years but everything came up in college when my parents were telling me that I couldn't come home for the summer. I worked through it eventually, but even through all of that I am still a DL.
For the little dunces, please tell us about what it was like to discover this fetish/lifestyle on the Internet.
Deeker's Diapers. These days it has a reputation for rampant pedophilia and wildly inappropriate content, but back then it was, to a 12 year old me, the only known location of ABDL content that catered to someone my age. And their alphabetic categorization scheme meant that I was never exposed to any of the things on the page that give it its reputation today. I'd come home from school and in the 150 minutes before my mom came home from work I'd read as many stories as I could get through. It gave me way too many wild expectations about who I'd be able to get diapered up when I went to summer camp or when I stayed over at a friend's, though. There was a brief period of time where Myspace was a possible refuge for the underage ABDL and I recall regularly communicating with a few people that at least claimed to be around my age, but the banhammer came around soon after and I saw the writing on the walls. Overnight the community disappeared so I got out before something got back to me. It made things exciting, though, like a prohibition-era speakeasy. Other, more dedicated platforms came around (or were subsequently discovered by me) once I came of age, but it was difficult for someone under 18. My earlier experiences told me that there were lots of us out there, but then all of a sudden I was told that the community isn't available to someone of my age and once the excitement of being persecuted wore off, it became pretty lonely.
What % of your sexual activities and/or masturbation incorporate diapers? Has this caused problems for you?
This is an odd question for me. I'm asexual, so sex is more of an as-needed thing when requested by my husband, and even then I often throw some kind of toy at him and tell him to let me go back to sleep. Sex is either uncomfortable or unsatisfying depending on the position, but incorporating diapers at least makes it tolerable. The husband usually allows it but he'll complain if he doesn't get some diaperless alone time every once in a while. Masturbation......it's generally only when I'm diapered but even then it's not all that often. Diapers are often sexual to me, but I guess not in a physical way? It's really hard to explain.
What's your best memory involving the ABDL lifestyle?
I convinced my boyfriend to diaper up for a Saturday. He and I were in the last of my Bellissimos and went to the zoo with his friend who knew of our situation. My boyfriend kept making a big deal every time he would wet it because the feeling was so unusual to him, and it ended up being hilariously cute! After the zoo we went out to dinner. I doubled up first but he insisted that he was still pretty dry. Well, he ended up leaking all over the booth as soon as we sat down to eat and he had to waddle back to the car afterward with large wet spots covering the front and back of his pants. I couldn't convince him to let me double him up or change him when we got home, but it was fun while it lasted!
How has being asexual impacted your ABDL life?
It's a hell of a lot cleaner, that's for sure. Diapered sex is messy pretty much any way you do it and I'm glad to not have to deal with it often. Being asexual in a fetish community is pretty weird and it's clear that a lot of people struggle with it. I continue to get messages on tumblr about coming out as asexual AND DL and how to explain to someone how those two can exist together. The biggest reason why I created my tumblr page originally was to show people that they can lead a perfectly normal life and also regularly indulge in DL things. Back then it seemed like AB was the only group represented and I wanted to change that. The DL representation is a lot stronger now and I'm proud that at least a few of them got the courage to participate because of me. As it became more apparent that people were struggling with asexuality I started being more outspoken about that as well.
How do you wear such thick diapers in public?
My approach to public wearing is threefold: 50% normalization, 50% apathy, and 50% cynicism. I've been diapered in public regularly for at least four years now. I've gotten used to it and it's just part of my routine. Even if someone caught on, so what? I don't know any of these people and they don't know me. People are unobservant and generally occupied with their own business. They aren't constantly staring at your crotch. Usually. Only once have I ever been called out in public and it was by a drag queen during a show here in Indianapolis. I was already doubled and about to triple up when the decision was made to go out so I wasn't quite prepared. The queen made some comment about kink makes the world go 'round and then moved on with her show.
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18+
