[CWIS'S NOTE] Up today I have a Q&A from Matt, someone who frequents the r/ABDL Reddit thread at throw_away000000004. His answers are well thought-out, and he has some thoughts on the psychology behind the psychology of ABDL. Enjoy... thanks, Matt!
Q&A With Matt
aka throw_away000000004
When did you first realize you were ABDL?
The first time I knew I liked wearing diapers was when I was old enough to intellectually understand what diapers were, and how they felt while I was wearing them. I have never not liked them, from when I was very young, onward. I wet the bed until the time I sort of started puberty, though, and that was about the time that I began to understand diapers in a sexual context.
Do your parents and/or siblings know about you and diapers? If so, please explain how, and how they reacted?
My parents did, and though it was never mentioned to me, I know my younger brother (who did not have any bedwetting issues) did as well. I was never demeaned for it, but it was something that was never spoken about either. No one in the family knew that diapers were sexual for me, however.
Have you dealt with the shame and regret that is the binge/purge cycle? Please explain.
No. I've never felt regretful or guilty about wearing, or using diapers, for any reason. When my parents were trying to potty train me (which I did not cooperate with, I am told), they tried the typical shame/guilt techniques. I was about 5 before I finally gave up diapers other than at night. That said, I've never been especially concerned with what others might think about me, and my interest.
From a fairly early age, I more or less didn't care whether other people approved of what I wanted to do, or whether other people had opinions about my interests. I'm conscious, and always have been, about what other people think or would think. But, to be conscious (and to act so as to avoid offending others or violating social norms) doesn't really imply anything beyond having to navigate the risk of being judged. Even if I was "found out" by others -- and people did, from time to time, figure it out -- I never felt like it was something to be ashamed of.
I think most of what drives the binge/purge cycle, from what I can gather from others, is an internalized feeling of guilt which is the result of believing that others' judgment has some sort of external validity. While I can sympathize with people who feel that way and endure that set of experiences, I think that those who go through the binge/purge cycle would benefit tremendously from taking the time to reflect -- objectively -- on whether real or perceived judgment from others is something they should be allocating time towards considering.
Most of the disapproval of ABDL stuff stems from the "ick" factor that people have, due more often than not to their own insecurity with their own sexuality and sexual interests. So, their expressed disgust for another person's kinks has little to do with whether a kink is objectively bad, wrong, immoral, or something that needs to be corrected. Rather, that expressed "ick" type judgment emanates from the fact that confronting another person's kinks forces the person whose judgment is being expressed to consider -- even if at a subconscious level -- the fact that their own kinks may, too, someday be revealed. Out of fear, they express disapproval so as to hedge against the risk that they might have their time in the sun, as well.
But, psychologically, when a person who hears or perceives that judgment being expressed, and especially from other people whose opinions they respect, the person being judged is unlikely to consider why a person might say "ABDL is gross... totally disgusting" or make a profoundly misguided and idiotic analogy to some type of criminal sexual deviance. Rather, the person being judged is more likely to take the judgment at face value, and internalize it, and find themselves ensnared in self doubt, guilt, and shame. That's all very unproductive... and might in fact drive a person to develop other psychological problems as a result of having to reconcile their desires (ABDL kink) with the fact of others' disapproval. That path is not likely to be fulfilling.
For collegebabies/DLs, did this interest affect your college experiences? If so, how?
In some ways. A lot of the guys I dated, I tried to talk to them about diapers at least. The signs became clear that most weren't interested in even being willing to give it a try. My boyfriend now, who is in college, found me through our mutual interest... hehehe.
How has this fetish affected your social life and/or dating? Married life? Parenting?
It hasn't had a negative impact. I work a highly demanding job, pay taxes, and do my best to do the right thing by others outside of the bedroom.
Some experts believe that we become the way we are because of traumas experienced at an early age, including abuse and/or neglect. Do your life experiences bear this out?
I think most of the "expertise" in that area of research, and the "experts" on the the subject of human sexuality as it relates to kinks, tends to be moralized, normative nonsense resting precariously between pop-psychology and pseudoscience. That is to say, it is emphatically NOT science as the word has meaning in, say, the medical field or in quantum mechanics, or wherever.
There are some things psychology can do very well, like provide insight into what the possible motivations might be for a person doing a particular thing. But a motivation is not, per se, the same thing as a set of life experiences. The example cited above ("we become the way we are because of traumas experienced at an early age") is predicated upon nothing more than post hoc speculation grounded in nothing other than a pop-psych stereotype of what people who are abused as children are like. That is to say, it is not evidence based positive research that is meaningful, valid, or scientifically consequential.
People should be cautious not to confuse the pretense of being "credentialed" with "having the intellectual capacity to say something that is true based on evidence". Peripherally, that's a major problem in psychology more generally. For a raw take on why psychology is in trouble, check out "The Book of Woe". For a good laugh, audit a 101 course in human and/or abnormal sexuality at the local university.
Do your interests involve a subset of this community, such as babyfurs, diaper disciplinarians, wet/messy, sissybabies etc.? Please tell us about it. I won't even try to be specific here; just tell us what you think people should know.
Diapers are not an exclusive fetish for me, nor have they ever been. I've always liked spanking as well, and the more I've had exposure in areas of kinky activities, I've had the chance to develop a better sense of what I like and what I do not like.
What % of your sexual activities and/or masturbation incorporate diapers? Has this caused problems for you?
I don't want to speculate about percentages, but it hasn't caused problems for me.
If you get into the regression aspect of ABDL please tell us more about that. If you do not, and you have feelings about being lumped into a fetish involving it, explain how it makes you feel.
Regression isn't a big thing for me.
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