CWIS'S NOTE: Up today I have a Q&A from KitaSparkles. You may know her from her online sites, and may even be a fan of her Patreon. Kita represents the older generation of ABDLs, who we really don't hear from enough around here. Thanks, Kita! Enjoy!
When did you first realize you were ABDL?
When I was still a kid actually. I did not know what it was of course. But I had this overwhelming desire to wear a diaper. I even had dreams I can still remember in which I ended up diapered. No real experiences though, past having my temperature taken in my bottom when I was about 8 or 9 because I couldn't breathe and thus could not keep my mouth closed. Also I once went to help my sister babysit, and she let me drink out of the baby's bottle. I also slept in a crib once at my aunt's house when I was 7, because there were no extra beds.
I found out what AB was when I was about 14 and my brother told me. It still took me a couple years before I believed it was real. lol
What steps did you take to get your diaper 'fix' as a child and/or teen?
A relative in the house wore adult diapers, and I stole what I could. Got caught once which was extremely embarrassing ... seems 3 disposable diapers of the late 1980s didn't hide too well under one's mattress. Later, we moved to the suburbs and I was able to go to the store and buy them ... rode my bike there and back, and would stuff the package in a backpack. Once, I couldn't fit it, so I had to carry the package, and some neighbor kid kept yelling from his porch, "Why do you got diapers??" until his Mom came out and hollered at him.
That all came about in my teen years. In my younger years, I just had the desire, but never did much about it. I had a cloth diaper I found in a dresser drawer that I pinned on a few times, then a crib sheet that I was folding as a diaper and pinning on. I actually had my first ejaculation into the crib sheet, and was really worried I might have broken something inside because of the strange liquid that came out!!
Do your parents and/or siblings know about you and diapers? If so, please explain how, and how they reacted?
Yes. I told my mother once after I lost a job because of it, and it did not go well so I never brought it up again. To this day I wish I hadn't. My brother knows because he is also AB.
Have you dealt with the shame and regret that is the binge/purge cycle? Please explain.
For years I went through that. I would get disgusted and throw everything away, going to great lengths to make sure it would not be discovered in the garbage. Then the urge would come back and I'd start collecting stuff again. Because I am a born-again Christian, I dealt with whether or not God would be mad about me doing that. Finally, after much time thinking about it, I concluded that God is interested in much bigger and deeper things than what kind of underwear I decide to put on and where I decide to go to the bathroom. After that, I just stopped purging. I guess I accepted it.
For collegebabies/DLs, did this interest affect your college experiences? If so, how?
One year, I dressed as a big baby for a Halloween party. Had a diaper (yes, a real one), bib, bonnet, and used a baby bottle all night. One particular picture featured me sitting on the floor, legs splayed, with three girls around me pinching my cheeks and babying me. I acted like that picture embarrassed me, but secretly I was absolutely thrilled.
Another year I dressed as a little girl. Tights, diapers under, jumper, cheerleader "saddle" shoes, longish hair in pigtails ... I even painted my nails pink. Several stories from that.
1. I was telling my friend how little the outfit had cost, because he wondered why I would spend so much on something I would "only wear once". Of course, I would wear it a lot more than once, but I wouldn't let him know that! Anyway, I hadn't spent that much. As I pointed out the different parts to it, he motioned to my chest and said, "And something up there..." I looked down at my chest, looked at him, looked at my chest again, looked back at him, blushed and said, "Ummm .... no. No, that's all me....."
2. One of the girls caught me. She asked me questions ... Where did you get the dress got the dress? Oh, Walmart; did you try it on in the store? No ... oh.... how'd you know what size to get then...!? I dropped the ball on that one, sputtered out something about size charts, and blushed. She gave me that look - the one that says, "I know something you don't want everybody else to find out!"
3. When I was getting dressed for the party, I called to my roommate and asked him something I promised he would never have to hear me ask again. "Will you zip me up?" So he's standing there in a cowboy costume (he did look handsome!), stretching his arms out so he didn't have to stand too close, zipping up my dress and saying, "Oh man ... this is bad. This is bad." I never did find out what was bad?? I drove to the party, and when I got there I was afraid to get out of the car. I would gather my courage, open the car door, and then hear a car coming down the road and slam the door and stare straight ahead while they passed!!! I did this 4 times, and finally just bit the bullet and got out. Halfway up the hill I heard a car horn and wolf-whistles! Frat boys ... oh well, at least I was convincing.
4. The next day, I had to ask one of the girls how to get my nails to stop being pink and sparkly! Then, I left the nail polish on the table. For months. And forgot about it. One day, I saw it sitting there and told my roommate, "Oh hey, I better put this away before someone gets the wrong idea." "Oh yeah - I meant to tell you about that. While you were gone over Christmas Break I brought (his new girlfriend) over here. She was sitting at the table and I was at the sink when suddenly she said, 'Um ... is this yours??' I knew immediately what she meant, and I just said, 'No. It's my roommate's.'" Now, I thought he went on to explain it to her, but later when I met her for the first time, I found out he never explained!! She kept giving me odd looks, and when I finally brought it up, she says, "Oh yeah ..............it ........ it was a pretty color!"
5. The next year (or maybe 2 years later), I dressed as a cheerleader. Got my butt slapped (hard! Ouch!) and told I was fair game now. Caught another boy staring at my legs and had to tell him, "Hey! My eyes are up here!" I know. I'm a shameless flirt!
How has this fetish affected your social life and/or dating? Married life? Parenting?
Hard to say. I've never been married nor had sex. I was engaged once, and around the time I was going to tell her, she and her brother told me one afternoon about these weirdos they saw on Jerry Springer who wore diapers and acted like babies. I couldn't make them understand that Springer just took the ones on the edges of a thing for sensationalism, and there were probably people they knew that were into that and they would never know unless the person told them. I couldn't say any more without giving myself away. We did break up but it had nothing to do with AB.
I do have a Mommy now, but we don't have sex, and I met her BECAUSE of ABDL connections, so it wasn't really an issue there!
Some experts believe that we become the way we are because of traumas experienced at an early age, including abuse and/or neglect. Do your life experiences bear this out?
Not a bit. I had a great childhood. I WAS bullied, but I think that was as much a RESULT of how I am than a CAUSE.
Some people have pointed out their observation that a larger-than-average number of multiple birth babies (twins, etc.) rep the ABDL lifestyle. If you are one of these, please explain what effect, if any, you feel this may have had on your ABDLishness.
I'm not a twin - but I do have a sibling who is AB.
For the older generation, please tell us more about what it was like being ABDL before social networking. I will be looking for the perspectives of members in their 40s, 50s, and even higher.
Well, when you did meet another AB, like you were lucky enough to have found a party or something, you all had similar stories about how you grew up thinking you were the only one. We all knew about DPF (Diaper Pail Fraternity). Carolyn's Kids and Amber E and Tales From The Crib were big sellers. We had to go to adult bookstores to find anything and even then it was pretty unlikely you actually would. I did end up with a copy of something called "Big Baby Jayne" once which was ... interesting. It went out with one of the purges.
Do your interests involve a subset of this community, such as babyfurs, diaper disciplinarians, wet/messy, sissybabies etc.? Please tell us about it. I won't even try to be specific here; just tell us what you think people should know.
I am a Little Girl (LG). I don't identify as "sissy", because the sissy KNOWS he is a boy, but is being treated as a girl as some sort of punishment ... which frankly is a bit insulting, but anyway.... A LG can be biologically female but most are biologically male. We identify as - not exactly babies, but young girls. However, some might still be babied quite a bit. Others are completely anti-AB ("I'm 8 and I ain't a BABY!") Specifically, I am 6, but still diapered. I prefer the pronouns she and her.
I once had a Fetlife group ban me because I dared to suggest that there are plenty of parallels between being little and being transgender. I was also entrapped because I was merely replying to a post that had been edited by a moderator on the group! How can you possibly make a confrontational statement like that, and then ban anyone who disagrees, no matter how logical their argument is? Well, dammit, I am both a TG and a Little, and my view is valid, too.
What % of your sexual activities and/or masturbation incorporate diapers? Has this caused problems for you?
I am a virgin. I aim to be one until such time as I get married, if I ever do. Since I've made it this long, I really don't see that being too very hard anymore. But at any rate, I guess that means I see them as separate things.
If you get into the regression aspect of ABDL please tell us more about that. If you do not, and you have feelings about being lumped into a fetish involving it, explain how it makes you feel.
I don't see it as being regressed - I see it as being my true self. I have dolls out in my home. My baby bottle sits in the cupboard and comes out at night when I go to bed. There is diaper rash cream, baby oil, and baby wipes in several areas in my house. Diapers are stacked openly in the bathroom. A plastic sheet and crib bars are on my bed. as well as Frozen character sheet sets, and don't even get me started on my closet. A dollhouse sits atop a dresser.
Not everyone knows I am a little girl. There are people I know would refuse to understand it, so I don't show it to them. If they are coming over, the diapers are hidden and the bedroom door is closed. I do keep up with my adult responsibilities. Sometimes, away from home, I will got out dressed in my little girl dresses. Ok ok, maybe more than just "sometimes". The way that I hope people will treat me is just like you would a "real little girl". That's how Mommy does - she will tell me when I must eat, check my diapers and change me when she wishes, she chooses my clothes when we are together.
Tell Us About The Time You Were ...
When I first started, I was scared to death to go out. But after a couple years, I started doing it more, and it got easier. I started to notice that not that many people care! And those that do, love it. It's surprising really. Now, you do run across an occasional A-hole here and there, but take it from someone who has now been out public in many cities across 14 states - most people don't mind. But I'm not just out there flashing my diapers - I do wear dresses! And tights. And Petticoats. I would say at any given time, there are at least 5 layers over my diapers!
My friends and I have become somewhat famous in one city around Easter. They look for us to come into the city and we are known as the Easter Bunnies. We are known all over the city, really. This past year, we were in a Walmart, and someone took a video and posted it on Facebook, where it quickly went viral. Last I checked there were over 6 Million views since April. It's like a 20 second clip and all we are doing is walking down an aisle. That gave a bit more insight, because people are more likely to be outspoken on Facebook than in person, so I did see more bad comments about it. Also there are the different theories: "They lost a bet", "they are actors", "they are dancers", etc.
I get a little worried about viral videos like that. With the work I do, I must remain mostly shrouded as far as my true identity. I was once outed by some lowlife who was pissed over my popularity. So they struck to try and bring me down and it was a harsh blow. I lost my home and friends, had to move, and took a hard hit to my finances from which I still haven't fully recovered. There is an area of the country I can no longer work - but I don't really have much use to want to go back there anyway. Still, it can come back and bite me at any time and any place, as was exhibited to me as recently as a year ago.
When I was outed, I had to deal with some really tough consequences. There were meetings, accusations; overreactions abounded. It is of course not understood. I was called a pervert. People asked me to return or destroy any pictures I had of their children. No amount of explaining would convince such people that we have no interest in having sex with children ..... we want to BE the children. It was a hard thing to come back from. I changed my name - I have not always been known as Kita Sparkles. But I came back and then maneuvered myself into a situation where I directed one of our big get-togethers, which we called LG Camp. I had directed several before, but I had a POINT behind this one. This one came after, and I know my enemy - the person who outed me - was watching. I wanted to prove that they did not destroy me. I proved that, and then I walked away. Many of those people had no interest in protecting me when I was hurt, instead, some took the opportunity to kick me when I was down and a multitude stood by and watched while it happened. So, I stepped back from all that, and I think I am a better person for it. You know, a little evidence on that - after that last camp I directed, I sent by mail the books needed that had all the former camp writings and such. This package disappeared, and it was a common expression of belief among the rank and file that I had just thrown those things out because I was angry (I had a damn right to be...) Then a year later, they were found among the Christmas decorations. And did anyone apologize to me? No - one person happened to let slip to me that they had been found ...... and not a word was said by anyone who had accused me, saying, "We're sorry, we were wrong to think you lied about that." So I guess the lesson is that there are those in both worlds who can hurt you, but you can survive it, and come out stronger and wiser from the experience.
Is there anything else you'd like to share?
I owned and ran one of the biggest and most well-known AB Story Forums on the Internet .... abdlstoryforum.info. During that period, I also wrote profusely and wrote over 80 AB stories that were all very well received. I also did some sketching and some captioned images. I am also the ONLY link between the Internet and The Mystress Wysteria, who does diaper training and challenges. I am still doing new captions and stories, and The Mystress is still overseeing her charges at my Patreon. Come see it! Check us out .... and in the process help someone who has given much to the community.
