Up today, I have an awesome Q&A with DiaperBoyAres - or just Ares for short. You may know him from Tumblr or Fetlife. He put a lot of time and thought into these answers, so I hope you'll read and enjoy them. I particularly enjoyed his recounting of the manufacture of garbage bag diapers - something I used to do. Amazing to think that two different generations, in two different parts of the world, instinctively did the same exact thing.
Thanks for answering my questions, Ares!
Thanks for answering my questions, Ares!
Want to do a Q&A? Email me! 18+
Q&A WITH DIAPERBOYARES
Name/Nick: DiaperboyAres (or just Ares)
Age: 24
City/State/Country: The Netherlands
AB/DL/BabyFur/Other? DL with some AB-feelings
When did you first realize you were ABDL?
Well, I’ve always felt a certain attraction towards diapers. Even in my oldest memories (when I was 3 years old or something), I remember having dreams in which diapers played a significant role. For a pretty long time I slept with these cuddle cloth thingies, like babies do. I remember putting those in my pajama pants to simulate the feeling of a diaper. It just felt comfy and somehow made me feel more secure, like someone is watching over me. I think that was all pretty innocent.
But meanwhile I was getting older. Every time my grandparents saw me, they gave me compliments about how I was growing taller. I went to elementary school where being ‘the older & taller one’ is what really makes you cool. The word ‘baby’ is like the number one curse word used among toddlers.
So this is where it started to get a bit conflicting for me.
I still felt attraction towards diapers and loved the idea of being a baby, but slowly it became more and more clear that that was not a normal thing to desire. I felt like I had to oppress these feelings and just be ‘normal’ like everyone else. I succeeded pretty well in this for a couple of years.
But then slowly the next phase started. My body was getting more mature (I was like the 2nd one in my school class to have underarm hair). And with these bodily developments, my fascination for diapers suddenly got to a whole new level. Diapers become something I craved for.
I was really one of those ‘stare out of the window for the whole day’ kids. I remember having this little game in which I tried to portray all my classmates in my head, one by one, while they were wearing nothing but a diaper. Especially imagining some of the boys from my class in nothing but a diaper could be rather exciting or even… arousing. I was around 9-10 years old in this phase. This was definitely the moment my fetish was ‘knocking on the door’.
I wasn’t sleeping with my cuddle cloth thingies anymore, I was a grownup after all… right?
But the urge to simulate the feeling of a diaper was so strong that around the age of 12, I started to experiment with household stuff (buying diapers was out of the question for me). With some toilet paper/paper towels, shopping bags/garbage bags, I was able to create some pretty cool stuff that definitely looked and felt like a diaper. On those very spare ‘home alone moments’, I would actually use them for their intended purpose while standing in the bathtub.
And oh my god, this felt so awesome, the best feeling ever, rubbing it feels really nice… (you can guess what eventually happens).
And there I am, standing in a bathtub while wearing this ridiculous diaper. I must look like an idiot. Normal people don’t do this. I’m weird. I’m an embarrassment to my parents. What would other people think of me? I hate myself…
Every time I was going for the same ride on this emotional rollercoaster. From full ecstasy to fully self-hatred.
And just one day I suddenly thought: “There are 6 billion people living on this planet, would I really be the only one?” I typed in some words on Google, and a new world opened for me. I wasn’t the only one.
So I think I have been an ABDL as long as I can remember, but I was about 12 years old when I found out about ‘ABDL’ being a thing.
What steps did you take to get your diaper 'fix' as a child and/or teen?
I already told you about the cuddle cloth thingy and homemade diapers. But I could get a lot of satisfaction from just watching diaper videos/porn. I had this p2p-program named ‘Ares’ (jup, that was one of the inspirations for my nickname) and download a lot of diaper videos with it. Mostly straight content, but I didn’t really care (did I already mention I prefer guys?) as long as I saw grownups in diapers, I was a happy man.
Furthermore there is this very large Dutch ABDL-forum with a lot of ABDL stories written in Dutch. I’ve read them all!
For a very long time I said to myself I wouldn’t buy diapers before I did have my own house. However when I was 18 years old, my parents and sister would go on vacation for 2 weeks while I would stay at home. So this was a great opportunity! I ordered some diapers at a web shop and really enjoyed these 2 weeks of being home alone and wearing diapers. My first ever diaper was an ABU Cushie! Yup, I started with adult diapers. It took me about 2 more years to have enough courage to buy regular baby diapers and drynites at the drug store.
Do your parents and/or siblings know about you and diapers? If so, please explain how, and how they reacted?
As far as I know: Nope
For about 6 years now I have my own small stock of diapers, hidden somewhere in my room. I have never been confronted about anything, so or they don’t know, or they found it and tolerate it in silence. I used to be pretty paranoia about being discovered, but as I’m getting older I seem to care less. I’d still like to keep it as a secret, but I think I could explain the whole thing… sort of. The world probably won’t come to an end.
Have you dealt with the shame and regret that is the binge/purge cycle? Please explain.
Yeah, more or less. Teenagers are insecure about themselves in general I think. Having a ‘weird fetish’ just adds up to that. It’s a thing you can feel very insecure about and/or be ashamed of.
But I never really threw any stuff away or something. For me it was always clear that this was something that won’t be going away. I never tried to get rid of my ABDL-side, I just know I wouldn’t succeed in that. Self-acceptance is the only way to go, just because… there is no other way.
For collegebabies/DLs, did this interest affect your college experiences? If so, how?
Not really I think. I can spend a lot of time daydreaming about diapers and such, but if I wasn’t an ABDL I would probably just be daydreaming about other things. I’m could be doing better at college, but that’s just because of my personality/motivation. Saying that being an ABDL has had any negative effect on that, would sound like searching for excuses to me.
How has this fetish affected your social life and/or dating? Married life? Parenting?
I keep everything very secret from my ‘normal’ friends and family. I don’t see the added value for me if they would know about my secret. When it comes to dating (I’m single right now), I do look for people who would accept my ABDL-side. I think you have to give and take in every relationship. The minimum I demand is ‘acceptance’. Hiding things and having such secrets just wouldn’t work for me. I have had one relationship so far. He accepted my little side. I could wear a diaper every now and then and he would call me baby. I think that worked for both of us.
But who knows, maybe my next relationship will be with someone within the scene.
This fetish actually has been an enrichment for my social life. I had found other ABDL’s on the internet, I had my adult diapers, but it wasn’t enough. I imagined myself being 50 years old, sitting alone in a room, wearing nothing but a wet diaper. It was a rather sad looking image.
Also I kinda had this urge to talk with other people about my ABDL-side. Not online, but in real life. It was super scary, but I decided to visit an ABDL-meeting, not really knowing what to expect.
In the beginning I was overwhelmed by seeing all these, way older, people wearing nothing but a diaper. The first hour or so I just sat at the bar sipping some coke through a straw. Later that evening I had some nice conversations with different people. In the end I had a pretty good evening there, I just felt like I was missing some company.
So I decided to meet some boys from around my age who were into ABDL as well. And that was one of the best decisions in my life. They were just normal guys like me, having this same weird ABDL-thingy. With a group of 4 I visited this ABDL-meeting again, which was really awesome!
This group of friends has grown larger and larger over time. In general I visit at least one public ABDL meeting a month. I have made many awesome friends within this community. I lost count on how many awesome people I have met in total.
And these friendships are about more than just ‘ABDL’. Of course we have our private ABDL-parties, but I have also visited a theme park with some, went out for dinner multiple times, met after a breakup for support, all without being diapered. So I think it has greatly improved my social life.
Some experts believe that we become the way we are because of traumas experienced at an early age, including abuse and/or neglect. Do your life experiences bear this out?
I’ve read things about ‘a trigger event’ that could cause it. I think you can’t be born with a diaper fetish, as an unborn can’t know what a diaper is. Maybe you can be born with the ability to develop a fetish? Maybe it was already certain that I would have a fetish when I was born. It just only had to be specified.
I do have this theory that it was because of the birth of my younger sister. (I was almost 3 years old). My parents later always told me that I was super happy when I got a little sister. But that’s not really what I remember (I do love her now though!).
I was an only child, and therefore I would receive 100% of the attention from my parents. But then all of a sudden I had a little sister who got all the attention. The baby gets cuddled. The baby gets fed. The baby gets its diaper checked. The baby needs a diaper change. The one who is the baby, gets all the frikin’ attention!
That might be the reason why I glorified the idea of being a baby. I’m not sure, but it’s the most likely reason I can think of.
For the older generation, please tell us more about what it was like being ABDL before social networking. I will be looking for the perspectives of members in their 40s, 50s, and even higher.
I have spoken with some of them. I’m really grateful I grew up in the internet era.
For the little dunces, please tell us about what it was like to discover this fetish/lifestyle on the Internet. Please be at least 18 at the time of writing, but be specific about what age you discovered it, what sites helped you, and keep this part PG for obvious reasons.
It was such a big relief to learn that I’m not the only one.
The most helpful site for me was ab-dl-tb-club.nl which is the biggest Dutch ABDL community with a lot of user generated content, all in Dutch. (I’ve actually become a moderator there).
Nowadays I still use this site the most, but I’m also Fetlife, and I have my Tumblr blog!
Do your interests involve a subset of this community, such as babyfurs, diaper disciplinarians, wet/messy, sissybabies etc.? Please tell us about it. I won't even try to be specific here; just tell us what you think people should know.
Diapers are my main kink, and I think there are many ways to ‘enrich’ this fetish. I like the idea of being forced to wear a diaper and being forced to use a diaper. The first thing requires domination, and the second thing could for example be achieved with bondage. I’m not into really heavy BDSM stuff, but I’m pretty open-minded. Chastity, bondage, spanking and sensory deprivation appeal to me, especially in combination with diapers. I like to try out new things, but I do have my limits of course.
I like to think in roles. Preferable I’ll let the other one decide on what/who I am.
Call me your baby, I call you daddy. Call me your slave, I call you sir.
And yeah, wet & messy, it both happens. I’m kinda shy on the messy part though, it doesn’t happen very often. If I would be in a relationship where everything but messy diapers is ok, I would be totally fine with that.
What % of your sexual activities and/or masturbation incorporate diapers? Has this caused problems for you?
When I got a boyfriend I found out that I didn’t need diapers that much for sexual activities as I would have thought. The more I wear them, the less sexual it all gets. If I only wear one diaper a week… it won’t be taken off before a certain climax is reached. But I’ve also had some moments where I did wear 24/7 for some days straight. That made it really less sexual.
Sometimes I like to wear my chastity cage, so that I won’t do any naughty stuff in my diaper. Because that’s not what little boys do right?
If you get into the regression aspect of ABDL please tell us more about that. If you do not, and you have feelings about being lumped into a fetish involving it, explain how it makes you feel.
I like onesies, pacifiers, and such, but I have a hard time to go into a baby-like state of mind all by myself. In my behavior I tend to behave more like a bratty teenager who likes to elicit a reaction from others. That’s how I naturally regress by myself. I take different elements from different stages of life. I’m not able to say: “when I’m in little mode, I’m ‘x’ years old”. It’s just a mixture of stuff, I don’t feel bound to the characteristics that would come with a certain age.
if I have a caregiver/daddy, it really depends on how he would treat me. If a daddy would pull me on his lap, feed me from a sippy cup and asks: “Has baby already done some peepee or poopoo in his diapee?” I would instantly feel like a baby, and behave like one.
Regressing in such a way does feel very relaxing. I tend to forget all the daily hassle.
Don't let yourself be limited by my questions. If you have anything else at all that you would like to say please feel free to say it here:
Just be yourself and strive for happiness as much as possible!
Be sure to follow him on Tumblr!
And Fetlife!
