CAPCON bound!

After some back and forth over whether I would be able to make it this year, I am finally en route to CAPCON! Very much looking forward to seeing old friends, making new ones, and attending some classes and roundtables. 

Will you be in Chicago? I'd love to meet some of the people I've only had the chance to get to know online. Message me on Fetlife, text me, email me, or swing by the room - Tyson and I would love to have company. I'll post our room number when I know it. Or swing by during breakfast! 

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Q&A With Frankenfurter

[CWIS'S NOTE] Up today I have a Q&A and some awesome photos from someone new to the blog: Frankenfurter. You may know him from Fetlife (frankenfurterdds) or Twitter (@frankenfurterdd). Frank hails from the UK. Enjoy! Thanks, Frank! 

Q&A with Frankenfurter

Name/Nick: Frankie Anderson 

Age: 30 

City/State/Country: Hampshire, UK 

AB/DL/BabyFur/Other? AB with DL side. Kinkster.   

Social Media:

Fetlife: frankenfurterdds  

Twitter: @frankenfurterdd   

Daily Diapers: frankenfurter (if that's still a place?)  

When did you first realize you were ABDL? 

Probably about 14, when I started to get unsupervised, unfiltered internet access. I'd had access at school and with parents right there ready to read over my shoulder but suddenly I was free. I think I stumbled upon it through some bed-wetting forums first - I was a bed-wetter and just got less and less common, down to only a few times a year. Almost ironically it stopped as I started getting adult diapers that fitted me and it would have been fine! Then those few nights I wet, I wasn't wearing a diaper!

What steps did you take to get your diaper 'fix' as a child and/or teen? 

My first 'fix' was to take diapers from a bag left from when I was diapered at night for bedwetting and try to wear them. It was around 11-12 years old and I was just starting to masturbate too. Looking back, this was clearly one of my first DL specific actions, I don't think a 'normal' 12 year old decides to try masturbating into a diaper. I sort of got caught and they were taken away from me.  As an older teen I bought Drynites (Goodnites) from a supermarket, well away from home at first, then gradually nearer and nearer. Smuggling them in to stop my parents seeing wasn't easy either. I think I got my first adult sized diapers at 17, a very medical set which I'd now think were really thin, but back then I was in awe with how thick and bulky they felt.  By the time I was 19 I'd got a credit card and received my first shipment from ABU - which meant international delivery and a visible customs form! Fortunately it read 'underwear' and my dad was none the wiser, although somewhat confused.

Do your parents and/or siblings know about you and diapers? If so, please explain how, and how they reacted? 

Not explicitly about my relationship with diapers. My mum and sister know about my 'little' side, fairly explicitly. I suspect my sister is involved in kink somehow but I don't know the details - nor do I go looking. I suspect she has a fair idea, but hasn't gone looking for me.

Have you dealt with the shame and regret that is the binge/purge cycle? Please explain.   

I haven't had this nearly as much as most seem to have - early on (before I got adult sized diapers) I chucked out almost everything a couple of time. Mostly I've been very clear and known this wasn't harming anyone one and that it wouldn't be able to change - other than to a dry diaper, of course. I'm very lucky I have some of my childhood toys still - plushies, toy cars, building blocks. Obviously, not everything I ever owned and there's often things I wish I had when I was actually young that I either buy or add to my Amazon wish list for when I can justify the cash (say, when it's 25% off in the sale).   

For collegebabies/DLs, did this interest affect your college experiences? If so, how? 

Well, university gave me the freedom away from my parents for the first time, for longer than ever before. Sadly, it didn't last as I dropped out within my first year, so back to living with my parents then.

How has this fetish affected your social life and/or dating? Married life? Parenting? 

I don't do "dating" - I'm asexual and don't care. I tend to be a bit of a loner. I have a circle of friend now, many of whom wear themselves but all of whom know and just don't care. I've found a 'home' in a fetish community who are very accepting of alternative lifestyles. Having said that, I've built some close relationships and have become part of an open poly group (presently a triad).

Some experts believe that we become the way we are because of traumas experienced at an early age, including abuse and/or neglect. Do your life experiences bear this out? 

Well, theories about bed-wetting being linked could be right for me, I wore diapers every night until I was nearly 8. I was also bullied at school, but my home life was most rather boring and stable. However, I think my interest predates both of these - I recall really wanting to be put into my diaper in the evening at around 5 years old or so.

For the little dunces, please tell us about what it was like to discover this fetish/lifestyle on the Internet. Please be at least 18 at the time of writing, but be specific about what age you discovered it, what sites helped you, and keep this part PG for obvious reasons.  

I found various teen baby and such forums from about 14-15 years old, I recall while initially searching for bedwetting forums and teen sized diapers. I found terrible places such as Deekers pages (fortunately gone), plus DPF (which I was aware enough of the potential problems to steer well clear of) and some really good ones which are still around, such as Daily Diapers. Played with having an ABDL Facebook account in parallel to my vanilla one, but it got blocked completely so that went down the drain. Various other diapers specific forums were found and disappeared, but never seemed to be either large enough to work or were full of fake profiles. Eventually I found FetLife in my mid 20s and have been there ever since. I've now also got Twitter and joined Tumblr for a while, until it decided to kill off adult content.

Do your interests involve a subset of this community, such as babyfurs, diaper disciplinarians, wet/messy, sissybabies etc.? Please tell us about it. I won't even try to be specific here; just tell us what you think people should know.  

I'm not a sissybaby but I do play with gender both in my ageplay and outside of it. I'm somewhere in the trans* community but I'm still finding myself. I identify as genderfluid and non-binary.  I recently came across the wonderful term 'genderpunk' which seems to sum up my attitude to gender a lot of the time.  I'm also kinky and enjoy some bondage, such as Segufix, floggings and electroplay with my violet wand. Sometimes (frequently?) this is mixed with ABDL play, such as the ABDL/medical/tickling crossover scene, where I was dragged onto a medical bed and forced into a diaper before being tickled by an evil doctor, including with a violet wand as well as feathers and pinwheels.

What % of your sexual activities and/or masturbation incorporate diapers? Has this caused problems for you?  At one point, 100% of my masturbation. 

Now slightly dropping, to around 85% or so. Some due to masturbation with other toys, such as magic wands and panties, some with my partner from the poly triad I'm involved in. As they met me at an ABDL event then that's not been an issue. I suspect ABDL and fetish events are now my main socialising so I expect anyone else I might get involved with will know up front about practically all my kink and fetish interests.

If you get into the regression aspect of ABDL please tell us more about that. If you do not, and you have feelings about being lumped into a fetish involving it, explain how it makes you feel.  

I love to regress, but I don't always. When I do regress, I split my personality - there's little me there playing and running around and there's my adult side sitting back and watching and even commentating on what's happening around me. It's sort of weird and similar but also different to subspace experiences, although I know I've only tuched the surface of that.  I tend to approach AB play and regression on a "fake it 'til you make it" principle - I role play and act little, and if I'm in the right mood with the right people, I'll just regress. I have also found I have older personas which I can sometimes play, I have an older caregiver side, where I ageplay older than I am.  But sometimes I'm just a DL and I want my diaper rubbed until I cum or just go out wearing a nappy and do my everyday stuff, go to the cinema or such. Given how generally kinky I am, I have no problems being included with the wider kink community, especially since a number of other kinks seem to have sections which insist their way of doing 'x' isn't to do with sex. 

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18+

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18+

Thanks for your support!

Q&A Update with Baby Spencey

[CWIS'S NOTE] Up today I have a Q&A update from an old friend and frequent blog contributor, Baby Spencey. You've seen him here many times - he appears in the most recent 'Big Boy Bucket' series, and has done everything from contributions to contest entries. Today he's answered the 'update questions', and he's edited or updated some of the questions from his original Q&A as well. Enjoy! Q&A Update with Baby Spencey Name/Nick: Spencer AKA BABY SPENCEY Age: 27 little age 18 months - 2 years City/State/Country: South Bend/ Indiana AB/DL/BabyFur/Other? AB/DL & Pup You first completed a Q&A on April 8, 2012. What's - ahem - changed, with you, since then? Obviously being close to 7 years now, a lot has changed. Since then I moved a few times and been in several relationships. After graduating college I first moved to Des Moines with hopes of eventually moving to Denver, CO. I dated a Big Bro type for a bit and although I had a lot of growing up in my adult life and it fizzled out. I then moved to Denver about a year later and lived there for four years. I dated and married a Daddy type in the community and after living together and struggling to get by most of the time we decided to call it quits. Although I wish him the best, I am happily now officially divorced and moved on with a new life here in Indiana. Although I never thought I’d live in Indiana to save my life, the job market is decent here and the cost of living is quite within my range. I also am currently living with a new Daddy Master type and very happy. Tell us about your experiences in the community since your last Abysitter.com submission, if any. Have you made any friends, attended any parties or conferences, or had any other experiences - online or in real life - that you'd like to share? Since my last QA I have attended both the 2016 and 2017 CAPCONs and co-ran a presentation/class with Cwis. I also attended the US littles event in the fall of 2016. I will also be attending CAPCON this year at the end of the month!! One of my blog readers likes to say that we are all searching for something. What are YOU searching for in the ABDL community - if anything? Are you looking for a daddy/mommy/sitter? Brothers or sisters? Certain experiences? Tell us what YOU are looking for, or hoping to find - diaper-related, of course - in this life... and be as vague or specific as you'd like to be. Mostly at this point I am in a happy relationship. However, I enjoy meeting new friends at all times both online and in person. I have met many great friends through this community over the years and like to continue to grow more like minded and kink friendly people to keep in contact with. What is the BEST thing about being a diaper boy, AB, DL, etc.? Well this is a tough one for me as so many things are great. But being 24-7, I would say not having to worry about the potty and things is probably the best. For me it helps me carry a part of my DL and baby side while still “pretending” to be a big boy. What do you think the biggest problem/s or issue/s facing the ABDL community are? I feel one of the biggest things that continues to face our community is the often misconception and blurring of the lines of being compared to people into illegal acts. While there has been growth in this aspect there is still a lot of room further education and preventive measures that can be taken. and there can still be so much negative stigma towards our fetish in both the media and such. If you could create one thing that would help the ABDL community in some way, what would it be? Although I don't personally possess enough html knowledge, if I could I would create a new platform for the 18+ abdl community to network peacefully to replace the fallen comrades of the TUMBLROCALYPSE.

UPDATES FROM SPENCEY'S PREVIOUS Q&A...

For the little dunces, please tell us about what it was like to discover this fetish/lifestyle on the Internet. Please be at least 18 at the time of writing, but be specific about what age you discovered it, what sites helped you, and keep this part PG for obvious reasons.

EDIT: 

Looking back at this now I have looked more into this time. I first discovered I was not a lone around the age of 14. While I didn’t bed wet before that, I had found some diapers a few years before and afterwards decided to try to start bedwetting to get put back in diapers. While this was going on, I found the goodnites website and forum. On there I started reading and chatted with others my age and then first saw the term tb and tbdl typed. Then after a yahoo search (this was before google was big) I found several tb geocities sites and later found Deeker and them other sites including ABY.com, DL-Bois,Rupadded, diaperbook, diaperspace, etc.

What % of your sexual activities and/or masturbation incorporate diapers? Has this caused problems for you?

EDIT:

At this time a good 75-80 % of my sexual activities incorporate diapers. While I am locked now most of the time. The majority of my play with Daddy/master incorporates our age dynamic and me regressing. But the other 25%-20% is more from just being submissive and also my pup side.

If you get into the regression aspect of ABDL please tell us more about that. If you do not, and you have feelings about being lumped into a fetish involving it, explain how it makes you feel.

EDIT/UPDATE:

I currently sleep in a crib every night and Daddy and I am working on finishing up a nursery for me with a high chair and changing table and things as well. I regress more often on the younger side now too. Closer 18 months and up to 2 years old at the oldest. I still eat baby food on occasion and mostly drink from a bottle or sippy cup now.

For collegebabies/DLs, did this interest affect your college experiences? If so, how?

I haven't found the interest to have had any effects on my college experiences. Living on campus, I do occasionally get nervous that someone is going to find out and since it is a small school news like this would spread like wildfire, but luckily this hasn't happened so far. Other than that, I have had pretty normal college experiences.

EDIT/UPDATE:  I did wear 24-7 for my senior year and had a few experiences where I leaked. Luckily they were at parties so I played it off that I was just drunk and pissed myself because of it. Although as a joke on of my frat brothers got me a pack of diapers at the end of the year. Lol.

When did you first realize you were ABDL?

I remember being curious about diapers again initially at about 4 years old when a friend mentioned that he still wore them at night and on long car rides and when he went trick or treating. I found myself oddly jealous of him and kind of curious. From there I had a few experiences a couple public wetting accidents growing up and I was also threatened to be put back into diapers by my parents for messing myself one too many times in first grade. Although that never happened, I still wonder what it would’ve been like. But then I found some pull ups in a closet of ours at 11 and tried them on and became hooked on them then at about 14 as stated above I discovered the goodnites forum and after a yahoo search found out that I was a TBDL/ABDL and from there blossomed my great times and friendships developed with this community.

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18+

Q&A With ABToddler

[CWIS'S NOTE] Up today I have a very, very thorough Q&A and some adorable pics from ABToddler. You may know him from his Tumblr; he's also entered my photo contests a few times, including an individual entry in 2016 and individual entry and group entry in 2018. This is his first foray into the Q&A portion of the blog. Enjoy! 

Q&A With ABToddler

Heres the answers to those questions for ya :D thank you so much for having a space where even in my weird little way, i can find peace in having reflected on my journey. Thank you for making a safe space to think about this moving forward.

When did you first realize you were an abdl

When I was 9, in 1994 I saw the goodnights for boys commercial. I had to teach myself to sleep at night with my legs closed because if I didn’t I would wet my pants or bed at any time growing up, I had to try this. Until I was able to go 24/7 after my back injury and I lost what little control for the day time I could muster, and had to wear at night. The reason I find it interesting is because I used diapers for their needed capacity, I needed to try and find whatever would make it so I don’t have to wake up cold and wet. My parents at the time wanted me to be cold and wet because they thought I was making it all up.

Then I found dpf. I used to go through the spider link search thing, to find vangoos pictures, and the stories on deekers site. I used to go and read all of those wishing that it was my life. Wishing I was able to be diapered, and how I wanted to not grow up. I knew when I was little I didn’t want to be out of diapers or give up my baby things. I asked my parents for a new baby blankey one year for Christmas since the one I had since I was a kid I didn’t want to ruin any further. (years later I found one in perfect condition, so I have always had it in my bed since.) but I went through the lies, the smugglings, and the saying it was for sexual purposes, or saying it was cause I was doing it on purpose, which ever the manipulations or accusations my parents had chosen for the flavor of the week. It was pretty much a world of not fun. Because of those issues I really had a bunch of issues growing up. Just before high school I went to a summer camp for a month, and was in a diaper all the time the nurse was nice enough to go into town and pick up a pack of them for me, so I wouldn’t run out at camp. It was funny cause all the beds and stuff had plastic sheets. Anyway through growing up, ive never stopped watching the cartoons, trying to finish the series that I forgot or got to distracted to try and see. I always had development problems including the teachers coming to our house to work with me for hours after school trying to learn maths, and how language works, and English protocols for grammar. Which as you can see I still really suck at.

But for me, it wasn’t until I was through all of my shit, I needed safety. That’s when I tried to get a big brother, a daddy, or a partner through the diaperbois.net, and then diaper-boys.com (when it was the under 18 group cause I grew up on these sites making friends, talking about dreams, and wants etc). I have gotten to live with some amazing men, who are also little boys. They are my fondest memories, and even though my social problems, and issues have kept me from making long term friends that I can keep hold of, they are what got me through all sorts of shit. Then I went on fetlife, looking to make friends when I moved to San Diego, then about a year after when I was deleting my fetlife, I found my daddy. For the last nearly 5 years he has been helping me express myself through my baby side. I have a bunch of digestive, mobility, and other issues which pretty much makes it so im super hard on myself because of the stress, pain, and other issues relating with communications to my family. So because of my daddy, these last 5 years has let me have my big brother champ, allowed me to get my crib to sleep in every night. It’s a safety of expressive life, I am a little. I grew up being a little and into diapers, being regressed helps with my pain issues, and if Im medicated to the point of not being able to verbalize words really well daddy hasn’t minded as much. That’s why ive made the choice to live as deeply as possible, because its been the only thing that has kept me safe, allowed me to find love of friends, daddy, and champ! As well as our extended leather family. Instead of being used for sex as a fetish for someone to jerk off to, and then no relationships. Its been an odd life, and its taken a lot of mistakes to get there but I am super happy that ive had this dedication to make myself to the fullness of what my life can handle become the little I never wanted to stop being. I always said when I was a kid why do I have to stop watching the cartoons I love? The movies like yogi bear and the spruce goose, or hocus pocus are some of the earliest times I remember watching movies with friends. Through being an ab I have always been able to retreat into myself, into my little space at the end of the day when all of it is done, I can curl up with my pooh bear, toothless, another plushies to just connect to them as I always have. I don’t think I was ever out of a diaper more than 6 month stretch here and there in my entire life.

So I always find it an interesting thing, because I didn’t really become an ab, ive always been one, from knowing I was interested in humiliations, and interested in knowning why I liked them, knowing why I wanted them. Getting yelled at by my parents for stealing them from friends with little sisters, or from the grocery stores. It was bad one night I had enough of not having any, so I conspired to go through the longest hike to hide my diapers, but I went to the store and bought a pack, and then ended up being back at the house by the cops at 3 in the morning because I had snuck out. So that caused all sorts of drama. But that also made me fess up to my folks about wanting to be little. To stay little, but that invited all sorts of problems that I had to get over with daddy, and some of my friends over the years to help me with that crap. So the persuit of my little self, the stuff I used to go through to try and have a moment of little time, that’s what I wanted more then anything, now that I have it, it’s the best version of me. Where I can still love, still have an adventurous nature, and have the chance to experience life through the lens of being little. 

With that being said its been kind of hard these last few years, while ive had my family, ive also had a ton of crippling pain from my back, and the meds make it hard for me to function, With my digestive problems that have always occurred, and have been a nightmare trying to eat. I am finding that as I take on the steamed veggies, the gluten free cerals I eat dry, fruits, and lots of juices and teas that again, the fact is not lost on me how much of a baby I have become again, and this time, its because these are things that are just about the only things im able to do, and to function enough to be able to do. What I had wanted so bad when I was a boy, growing up, and then having the disability where it forces me to only have the amount of stamina of endurance as a little baby, I am an adult…but I am also very much the baby who never grew up. The little that never wanted to give up his teddy but had them thrown out, time and time again. The fight to be myself, is now the best expression I can be. I am thankful to my daddy, my big brother champ, and other wonderful folks in the community who have helped me come to terms with myself. But for me, I never stopped wanting to be a baby. Now it seems I am one, how much more little I wish I was? Oh as far as daddy and champ would let me, because for me its easier this way, but I do not wish it to be difficult on them, and all their hard efforts. I am happy as a little, its brought me fullness, and love. The only thing I wish I could have changed is that I didn’t have to ever go through the process of being forced to try and change this side of me. But with my family now, I can be me.  

What steps did I take to get my fix as a kid and teen? 

When I was super little about 5 or so, I was over to my friends house and they wanted me to play the baby for playing house, then they wanted to continue this so over the year, from about 6 -7 I had been given a diaper from the girls little sister and told to go put it on. Those little bitches said I stole it. And that started off the development of my love of diapers. 

I used to wet my bed and my pants quite a lot, so I would layer all the pairs of underwear I could, or take old towels, and then wash them in the morning in the shower with me, when I was going to middle school and had a locker, I hid them in there, and figured out ways around being able to steal them from the store, or buy them with money I earned mowing lawns. I would change into it after gym class, and then out by the end of the day. It was nice when I was with a couple friends I had who also engaged in my diapering of myself and occasionally them. They didn’t love the diapers, and it was more a novelty to them that was fading. It was really hard trying to get it so that I could wear safely and privately. Only in high school did it start to even out, when I would by the depends at the time were white, and didn’t actually suck that bad. I would take my night diaper and toss it in the trash on the way to school, nights I didn’t wet the bed I wore right through gym class with nothing over it but the gym shorts. Changed into another one around lunch time, and wore going home.

Also I read tons of stories, and tried to make my own diapers out of old shirts, or with a towel tucked into a brief, or a speedo. Etc. and growing up, every 6 months or so when I was a kid when my mom and dad allowed me to have a pack or two of diapers. They didn’t like that I was so happy to have them, because of the reasons they made me feel good, safe, and comfy, so that to my mother was a sin of the worst kind. So however I could, I did.

Do my parents know about my diapers?

They have because I wanted to be honest with them, and in return it was some of the most hateful shit ive ever had to deal with, every day because of their “offensive” mannerisms there was a point where I cut all communications with them for 5 years in my mid  20s, I needed to find myself, I was living 24.7 I had great roommates one of whom was also diapered, and I loved him to no end, His wife I didn’t really get on with that well. But he was one of the first major folks outside of daddy I wish I was able to love and see how that went. Now that ive had the ablations of the nerves in my back, the injections, and the paralysis over the last year of parts of my feet that have made me start falling over, or tripping on stuff I try and consiciously avoid. They are apart of my life, thick ones too, in this way I will have no futher attempts to hide it. Now that im older, and have my daddy, I called him daddy in front of my mom. She made the comment “Well you were always into that it makes sense” she also has seen my crib when we moved into this apartment a few weeks ago. Its been an interesting time of growth in my relationship with her, and her not caring about my diapers as they are just one part of the health issues, that are never getting better. So now shes kinda cool with it and there are days im just in pj bottoms, and head up to her place. But I try and keep the little stuff away from her, no footies, no onesies unless they are under other shirts. Etc. This way its not her business to know, I don’t need to deal with her drama about it, or anything that comes out of her mouth about anything I do to cope with life.

Have I dealt with the shame and guilt of the binge purge cycle?

Oh yes, esp when I try and find clothing that fits because of my sensory issues, when I have to try and look for stuff that will do what I want it to, or allows me to try something out. Before I experienced life being an asexual, I would masturbate and not want a diaper for a day, or a few hours. But honestly, ive always tried my hardest to get my diapers not taken away from me, where I didn’t have to worry about all the other stuff that was going on. My diapers didn’t cause the stress, it was the other people around me who did. So I tried never to give them up.

College?

I never went, I tried, the first guy I had sex with was in the 1 political science class I only went the 2 classes for. He came over to my apartment introduced me jager shots, and vodka, so we got drunk and slept on my futon. I put him in a diaper cause I didn’t want to have him get up and have to pee, so we were both in one, then I sort of broke mentally after that. Couldn’t go to class, couldn’t really work my job which led to all sorts of problems which spelled out that im not good at education. Which is more of the same from growing up my learning issues that come with social anxiety make it pretty much impossible.  Champ said theres stuff totally online now, I might try that one day.

How has this lifestyle influenced my social life?

In internet land I keep my spiritual work, and research projects mostly separate. Outside of that I refuse to live a life where I am forced in any capacity to down play my little (aside from around my mother) but all the people I know because of daddy, all the people he brings to the house both champ and I are in diapers. I don’t have to hide it, all my doctors  know, my employees are aware of it, and me being a little, but then as an adult store owner I own my interests, only occasionally with old friends come by and shop, or those random customers who come in crinkling away, its super cute to see. But yea, everything I do has the lens of being a little. So if it doesn’t interact with my not compromising for my anxiety, health, and need for cuddles from daddy and big brother, I don’t mind if anyone knows my lifestyle. It’s helped to keep me alive, to look for the good in people, to love the lessons I learned from my little pony, and the many anime we all watch as a family. To this end I am always looking forward to making the most of the opportunities to balance my little with the work I need to do. But with the limitations of my mobility and such it does make it a challenge. So it is not so much an easier path, but the best thing I can strive for in order to overcome the terrible parts of my disabilities.

Trauma shaping us to be who we are?

Sure, I am a little for all sorts of reasons. Tons of my own trauma of rape, and being abused by a psychopath, being lied to, and nearly killed a couple times because of some interesting shit. But yes, I do not want to live a life where I have to be afraid, where I have to hate everything around me because im scared to make a mistake and get caught in a dangerous situation. It got to the point when I would move to a new place, everyone was connected to some nefarious thing, or activities. Being a little has been safe, its kept me safe from these nefarious actions. I cannot handle a lot of situations anymore because of the stuff ive been through, some situations will make me cry from having to think to hard on them. I do not like to engage in this sort of thought, so I of course must explore the world through my own view of being a little.

The other day I posted this on my tumblr feed. Its pretty much the summation of why I need to be little, and what sorts of experiences I have to have.

If I don’t think about it, the pain is still there. If i can distract myself for a short while on a  show, or movie, or reading or writing it barely works because its harder then ever to focus. Doing nothing drives me nuts. However, one of the many thoughts about my future and what makes me so damn happy to have daddy and big brother is that i dont have to worry about how much i cant do.

Somedays all i can do is lay on the floor in a diaper between napping and trying to get comfy. Being little that is what keeps me sane. I know i should approach something like this with more awareness and dread but for me, it is incredibly hard to describe what exactly im feeling.

I wake up all hours of the night if im able to score , if i try and walk or have to exert myself i have 1-5 hours. So what is it that i do for the remaining 19 hours of my day?

The biggest part of the day is spent working on projects to try and distract from pain: what that also include is naps, and points when the pain meds kick in, or the weed stimulates an  and i can get it down on paper. I cant talk very well or much on things outside of work and my interests. The general awareness for the politics, whats new and in; and anything that relates to things outside of sorcery, sex, and any plans daddy and champ have for the day.

Interesting as it may be that ive come to this point of my life, being stuck on the floor, waddling around because i dont walk very well anymore. Mentally not being anywhere for an extended part of the day helps. Holding my plushies and napping in a big stack of pillows. Is how i spend my time when im not at the shop, trying to get back to work.

Wearing clothes that dont get me sensory issues. Double seams, anything from Tykables, stuff from adaptive clothing manufacturers, and etsy. Pants that have snaps, onesies which hold diapers in place, needing to have the material a certain texture, or a pressure. The clothes i have need a good going through. I cant wear most of it for the way it feels. So i am always on the lookout for certain adaptive clothing which is to make my getting into and out of them easier, to help accordingly my diapers to stay in place, to go over the diaper and keep in the stench of my stomach voiding. These are why ive chosen the adaptive clothing over normal jeans, why i need snaps, or a second change if my diapers leak, and to help so i dont go through sensory hell everytime i go outside, go to work, go to a restaurant, getting groceries or socializing with my mom. I need clothing that doesnt take away my spoons when i need to stay warm, or get dry. This is why i need to have clothes selected for my day to day.

My diapers are thick. (2) dry/24s with at least one stuffer maybe two. When my bladder decides it wants to unload, it does so quickly or slowly. If i stand, or if i sit, if i do nothing and stay perfectly still, my bladder empties. If I don’t have something that can handle that type of flow surprise then i wouldn’t be able to work, to try and keep mysef comfortable as long as possible. The thing is, a double diaper handles most of it, but those stuffers allow me to work 5 hours at work. Its a retail job; which requires me to talk to people. With the way my medicine works it turns my tongue into a dry husk that sticks to my throat or top of the  making it nearly impossible if I dont stay constantly hydrated. To account for this, i have to make sure my diapers will last long enough, i wet through these no problem by the time a work shift ends, or if im out doing an errand. I wear a thick diaper because its one of the only options ive found to help me manage all of my control issues

My stomach has plagued me, food goes undigested whole through my colon. Or is reduced to a burnint liquid, or hard foul stool. My colon produces extra mucus because of the inflammation. This means what the doctors called a flaccid sphincter all of this stuff does whatever it wants. From the pain of voiding i can end up throwing up for a few hours just from the pain sensation. I cant eat so many foods because of the pain. Today i have go look at fresher veggies i can steam, and possibly pick up some babyfood so at least i dont have to digest so hard. Other then a couple packs of yogurt, applesauce, and cheesits, these seem to be some of the few foods i can eat they doesn’t go right through me, with as much pain as it causes, has made my ability to dine out, or have what ever on the menu I want. Over the last 5 years ive had to stop eating, anything pork, greasy fried foods, meats, sodas make my stomach swell, no dairy that isnt lactose free. No  or m&ms, or any processed . Resulting in an oppressive dietary hunt trying to not set it off

With all the pain, the lack of  wears me down, my pain medication makes me itch. I can feel my stomach now more then ever is getting thrashed because of the meds that keep me oit of the er. But busy as i might seem being miserable its daddy and champ who with daddys subs, make my social time with them not so dependent on me doing a thing, but more so i just wish i could do more. I figure its about the same as having me in a play ️, or off to the side with what ever i can work with so just for being around folks. Articulate speech with the meds is hard, thats why the typing. So? What does this mean? That yes im around the “grownups”, and cant talk very well around them, so i end up feeling like that kid who hangs out with grownups even though i cant participate.

With that being said, I am a little. I need adaptive clothing, have diet restrictions and mobility requirements. I have anxiety and discomfort from the nearly endless pain. Living with friends who are my family and dont mind me just flopping on them.

I am a little, because of all the things I cannot experience. I will have a set type of experience that has to balance all of this crap with my goals, hopes and spirits. Utterly terrible as it may be. If my clothes are soft and give me a sense of calmness that accommodate my needs. If food is prepared in a way where i can get its nutritional value, it i can just be near people doing their adult things. Im  with that.

I wont ever go on a  again, i wont likely travel in an ️, or road trip. When get out of work i come right home. None of these things has changed all that much since i was small. I am in diapers, have my food and clothing restrictions, my mobility’s issues and faults of communication. You knows why, i can get up each day.

I am a little, nothings really changed that much since i was actually a , i still havr the problems which have followed me through my life. Because of daddy, embracing me for my limitations and helping to set up framework so that my life is as full and happy as it can be, that is why i am a little. I am regressive in my experiences of life, for the various reasons listed above. I am not anything but a little kid, with the same kind of restrictions as a , and the mobility and disability not becoming a nightmare. I have embraced it. I  in my crib, have my thick diapers, need daddy and champ to help with pretty much everything i try and do in a day, and have wonderful folks who dont mind me, trying for being social, despite shortcomings of pretty much every thing relating to communication

As i think of my future, i  myself spending my days at home diapered and trying to be comfy, with food that doesn’t make me , where i can crawl around instead of walking, where i can have help turning off lights; or getting food at the grocery…i am a little

If i wasnt, i dont know what i would do, it manages to make all of this, beautiful and i am so happy and fulfilled belonging to daddy with big brother champ. I want us to be a family for as long as its possible, for us to have friends and playmates who dont mind my limitations. For me this is not a kink, specifically. The  of a little hypnotized , whose conditioned to respond to daddy and brother in a way that helps them to help me, for the given situation that i may find myself in. They do not judge, this life is hard. But through being little, through accepting that im an overgrown infant, in the physical ways. It helps to know im not expected to be an adult. That because of all the physical issues, i can just be me; trying hard to find out what that means.


Older generation – Before social networking

I have been only on since dpf in the 90s, all ive ever done is use the web to find new friends.

What was it like to discover this on the internet?

For me it was like coming home, that there was everything I wanted, how I wanted to live, who I wanted to play with, how I wanted to structure my life so I could stay little. Because at the time I was 8-9 I didn’t fathom living anything without the time as me as a baby, or little kid. I was still a little kid, and just wanted to stay. But it gave me my first boyfriend, it gave me my first love, it was like the world of my dreams opened up and I got to read stories and look at pictures, and I wanted to be a part of all of it.

A subset of the fetish? Such as pups, et.

I am an incontinent regressive little, I don’t really identify as having a sexuality other then little. Daddy and big brother and all the friends daddy brings over into our lives are the various kinky folks he plays with but im not specifically interested in their sexual associations.

What percentage of masturbation involves diapers?

100%  im not out of them long enough to have sex anymore. Its been 4 years since I had sex “without” even a diaper over my front while there was a hole in the back of it, due to the leaking/pressure etc. My life is spent integrating my little side so this doesn’t seem like a problem to me. I am happy with the way things are.

What regression is like?

For me it’s the same thing as I was doing when I was a kid, I never really stopped. I love the same cartoons I used to watch, I will rewatch them now. I will seek out the new cartoons and stories to watch on the tv. For me it is the day to day stuff that keeps me comfortable. I sleep with plushies and tons of pillows because of the adjustments needed to account for the pain. I wear my footies to keep my feet warm. I have my plastic pants so I don’t leak on the couch, the foods I eat are specific for my stomach health. I don’t really get out of little space because everything that ive had to find healthy diet, social interactions, and mental health comes through being little. How scared I get, how adventurous I feel, all of that, is the same as ive always been. I am more the little boy version of me, than anything else. I have found that to try and separate “age/regression” from my behaviors these days is not an issue anymore. I will continue to enjoy life as long as I am able. It’s the happy point, I might not talk because of the meds, because of the pain, because of what ever reason im not verbal and being able to hold my plush, or snuggle daddy or champ, and im okay with it. That’s who I am, because it’s the best version of me in my opnion, who can love endlessly, who can explore, who can go through the same motions every day and still not have the energy to be anything other than little. I do not have anything else that I can be, so I am trying to just make the best of that.

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