Age: 58
City/State/Country: Salem/Oregon/USA
AB/DL/BabyFur/Other? AB/Daddy
The questions are:
• When did you first realize you were ABDL?
Probably around 8 years old.
• What steps did you take to get your diaper 'fix' as a child and/or teen?
I made makeshift cloth diapers from old sheets, pillowcases, old towels. Used safety pins to pin them on and occasionally wrap some sort of plastic around them. I tried plastic shower caps for awhile, then found that Gerber Vinyl Pants – Toddler I could fit into bought at the grocery store down the street and used them for a long time, till I couldn't fit into them.
Around 1966, Pampers came out in Drug store in town. Used to at least slip them into my shorts and walk around with them in my pants.
• Do your parents and/or siblings know about you and diapers? If so, please explain how, and how they reacted?
Eventually they did find out, at least my dad, mom and my brother.
One time when I hadn't completed my chore of washing the supper evening meal dishes, I had gone to bed with the intention of wearing my makeshift diaper and Gerber vinyl Toddler Pants. My dad was upset that the dishes weren't done, so came into my bedroom, that I shared with my brother at the time. He grabbed my blankets and sheet demanding I get up that instant, while I held on for dear life to prevent my diapers and vinyl pants of being revealed. Unfortunately I was unsuccessful in keeping myself covered and my dad was definitely in shock to see me dressed for bed that way. Not a lot was said, although he wasn't too happy about me, and told me I should not do that. I got up, got dressed and put the diaper and vinyl pants in my hiding place – in the box springs of my bed.
Another time I had gone into the bathroom I had gotten my diapers and vinyl pants on and was going to wear them underneath my clothes for the day. My brother came in from being outside, or something and needed to use the bathroom. He was suspicious and was familiar with how to unlock the bathroom door so he could get me out of there. I hadn't had a chance to get my pants on overtop of the diapers so when he opened the door saw me standing there with my diaper and vinyl pants on. I was embarrassed and he was shocked, told me I should stop doing this, I left the bathroom, took the diapers off and placed them in my hiding place and got dressed. Nothing more was ever said.
A third time was when I was about 16 years old. I had found I could purchase these Vinyl Incontinent pants with a flannel lining with an additional snap in liner from Sears and/or Ward's catalogue. I had started working at a cannery during the summers and found a way to order one for my own. I received it in the mail about a week later. Fortunately the I, my mom and sister slept during the day as we worked on the graveyard shift, so while everyone else was either at work or sleeping, went out and picked up my package. I had worn them off and on for several months, even worn it to Summer football practice one time. I made the mistake of leaving my soiled incontinent pants and pad in the closet. My mom one day had decided to do some laundry. She found the soiled incontinent pants had brought them out while I had been at school during the school year. She had laid them out for me to see what she found and confronted me with it. She pointed out that she had known about what I was doing and it concerned her about my behavior of doing this. She didn't have a clear answer what to do and was dead set against taking me in for counseling. but told me that I needed to make up my own mind what to do. She was not happy with me doing it and had hoped I would take the necessary steps to stop it. I did throw the pants away and stopped for awhile, but later I found myself wanting to continue wearing diapers.
• Have you dealt with the shame and regret that is the binge/purge cycle? Please explain.
Yes on many occasions.
Whenever I would start to purchase plastic pants, or wear diapers, I would feel real guilty about it and wondered why I was doing such I thing. I didn't know anyone else ever doing it, especially peers and classmates. I also thought about the expenses in participating in such behaviors and wondered if it was really worth it or not.
About every 3 or 4 years I would buy supplies to peak my interest in the diapers and then end up throwing them all away. Such a waste of money, I thought.
I went into counseling several times in hope of finding a way to rid my behavior, especially after I got marriage. That didn't work either. Eventually I got to the point where a couple of psychiatrist informed me that it would be much better to accept this behavior than to have to live with taking a lot of medicines and counseling. I'm classified as being Clinical Depressed so continue taking medications to keep me from being so depressed.
• For collegebabies/DLs, did this interest affect your college experiences? If so, how?
Well there were occasions where I skipped class spending time in my room trying to participate in wearing what I enjoyed. My grades in undergraduate school reflected how poorly I managed it. It was during this time I went through a couple of binge/purge cycle which also effected my performance and since I was a loner didn't have many good relationships with others for quite a while.
• How has this fetish affected your social life and/or dating? Married life? Parenting?
My first marriage ended in divorce due to not telling her until our honeymoon and then I hid it for some many years, or at least I tried to.
Being connected to DPF back in the late 80's newsletters and contact information was freely accessible to anyone desire to be in touch with others. Late 1989, someone in South Illinois was arrested for pedophile, and in the back of his van were all these newsletters and other paraphernalia related to the topic of diapers and getting it on with young boys. As my name and address was quite accessible back then the investigators thought it would be wise to follow up on anyone connected with DPF for fear it would lead to a ring of other pedophiles at the time I lived in NE Missouri. Someone who was an investigator and part of a regional board identified me and reported me to a regional supervisor.
I lost my job over the incident – or at least was requested to step aside from my profession until I could get my life straight. My wife at the time and I had just adopted our daughter who turned 13 back then. I had been in counseling to work through some personal issues as did my wife. I was connected in with a "Survivor Support Group" as it was seen that my behaviors stemmed from issues related to physical and emotional abuse I received from my mother.
Later my wife at the time and I eventually got jobs in Oklahoma. At that time I thought the diaper thing was over with for me, but not soo fast, it came back with a vengeance. I rejoined DPF after finding out they had changed their policy of how people's names and address couldn't be no longer made readily available. I began getting samples of diapers from various manufacturers of disposable diapers, but instead of coming to the house, it came to my work location, as did newsletters for DPF. I thought it would be a way of avoiding it at home and keeping it secretive from my wife.
Also, about the same time the internet became available to those interested in searching the worldwide web, but in the slow laborious process that it was back then. I assisted my wife in purchasing a computer for ourselves as it was seen as a way to provide a better process of doing computer work where we were working. I came across, in a book called "Computer for Dummies" some "newsgroups" where you can find fantasy stories of people into diapers and also pictures too of men and women wearing diapers in sexual and suggestive ways.
This lead to when we were at home using the personal computer of downloading stories onto a floppy drive and when our work made available laptop computers that, for us case managers, we had to share with at least one other person – not enough for everyone. I slipped up and accidently left one of those stories on one of the laptops. Before I knew it, I was suspended from work, subsequently along with other materials found in my office, they got ready to fire me, but with the assistance of an attorney was able to arrange for my own resignation. Humiliated my wife at the time and I went to a sexual couples retreat that was supposed to assist us to work through our issues, particularly mine with my wife's. Previous to this I had begun to receive psychological counseling along with establishment of a medication routine with a psychiatrist. The suggestion was that maybe what would help is to participate in Sexaholics Annoymous (a 12 step program) to address my diaper issues. I "gained sobriety" through attending and stayed away from all of this for more than a year, only to have it come back again, with a vengeance. This time my wife could not stand it and ended up a 15 year marriage.
Before the separation, my daughter was going through a horrible separation and eventual divorce, but before that I sat down with her and shared with her what was going on with me and why we were splitting up. My daughter was very understanding and didn't see too much problem with it, although she made a point to tell me she didn't or want to participate in such activities, and of course neither did I want her too.
After our marriage I began to have more contact with others on the web and by that time (1999) DPF set up a website for further connection with those who chose use this as an avenue. I purchased some ab clothing, including my first ever footed sleeper and onesie along with cloth diapers and plastic pants. I later moved from Oklahoma back to Oregon, where I grew up. I became an ambassador with DPF and also a "Regional Director" where I was responsible for organizing get togethers in my area. I've done that now for many a years and have had the joy of meeting quite a few people.
I eventually re-married, but this time I informed my bride well before our wedding but it only lasted a couple of years as she had her own issues. She was able to accept my lifestyle and even joined in diapering me and occasionally attending some of our events that I helped to host.
Now I'm a daddy to an ab son, who is 43 yrs old and I change his diapers all day long, when we are both at home.
• Some experts believe that we become the way we are because of traumas experienced at an early age, including abuse and/or neglect. Do your life experiences bear this out?
Yes I experienced traumas in my life and it bears it out why I felt more relaxed and willingly included wearing of diapers.
-Until I was 6 yrs old I was punished by being put back into diapers whenever I had a wetting and messing accidents. I even remember my mother bringing one of my sister gingham dresses along with us on vacation to our grandparents house in Montana. It was hung up in our grandparents dining room as a reminder that I needed to behave myself including not wetting or messing myself or face the consequence of wearing my sister's dress.
-I had problems with messing myself until at least turning 16 yrs of age, but was never forced to wear diapers during that time. But I was scolded, screamed at, threatened and thoroughly beaten with a belt at least once after my mom had taken me to the dr's office and finding nothing physically wrong with me, he told her the reason why I possibly was doing this was because I was angry with her and was a way of getting back at her.
So the next time I had an accident, my mother took me into the bathroom took a belt and spanked me severely then took the underwear and stuck it into my face in nose rubbing it the whole time. From that time on whenever I had accidents in my underwear, was made to wash them out using a wash board into the toilet.
Needless to say I had my accidents at school too. I didn't have many friends due to this, always being referred to as "stinky boy", "stink pot" and any other disgusting phrases to humiliate me. It lasted throughout my school years until I graduated from high school. I gladly moved away from home and the community I grew up in as it just provided a poor image of who I was growing up.
-Further, when I was about 14 my brother wanted me to participate in an activity that he said was just an "experiment". He requested that both of us get naked and to get onto one of the beds in our room. Then he had me turn over onto my stomach, he then got on top of me and before I knew what was happening to me, he was putting his penis deep inside of me – and it hurt! I wanted him to stop. I didn't understand why he was wanting to do that to me. He told me that if I were to say anything to anyone that he would completely deny what had happened. In later years counselors convinced me it was the closest thing to being referred to as rape! By my own brother!
• For the little dunces, please tell us about what it was like to discover this fetish/lifestyle on the Internet. Please be at least 18 at the time of writing, but be specific about what age you discovered it, what sites helped you, and keep this part PG for obvious reasons.
As was mentioned above the first time I used the internet I used the newsgroups back then to access anything to do with diapers, including stories and pictures. Later I found DPF website there and was a way of connecting with others and other websites. Some of those included: Deeker.
I got involved with many a yahoo groups that focused on diapers and adult baby's and relationships. Eventually as years went by, I discovered
dl-boys.net,
ABY.com and Rupadded. Deeker was a good way to read stories others submitted by those who wrote them. I also learned about many support groups, like ADISC where there was a mix of ab/tb/dl and focused more on discussion than anything else. Other sites include: diaperspace, ABKingdom, ABDL University, Daily Diaper Boards and Chats, Baby Matt's Diaper Page, Diaper Hangout, ABDL Pixel, BBIF E Mail Lists for discussion, The Gidrah, ABDL Stories Forum, Wetter's Magazine, Adult Baby Stories,
UnderstandingInfantillism.org and many other sites.
Eventually I learned of diaperbois and DL Boys as well as
Fetlife.com. Blogs have been a way of connecting with others as well.
• Do your interests involve a subset of this community, such as babyfurs, diaper disciplinarians, wet/messy, sissybabies etc.? Please tell us about it. I won't even try to be specific here; just tell us what you think people should know.
Wet/messy and being a daddy to either baby boys or baby girls (rarely any sissy babies).
• What % of your sexual activities and/or masturbation incorporate diapers? Has this caused problems for you?
Probably 15%. My first wife claims that my use of diapers and masturbation activities was a substitute for any sexual intercourse of sexual play with her. I believe she had her own issues, personally.
• Are you gay/straight/bi
I say that I'm Straight and is primarily the only sexual play that I've done, but I see myself being more heteroflexive as I enjoy being with both men and women about as much.
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